Barack The Italian Greyhound: Or Why Senator Obama Will Be Our Next President

My friend Kathleen has an awesome Greyhound named Oliver.  When I asked her sister, Valerie, to take a picture of him standing for a collage I was making, she reported that it was impossible.  "He's either napping or running full speed."  A check of Greyhounds on Wikipedia confirms this tendancy.  "[They] are often referred to as forty-five mile an hour couch potatoes."  That sounds like Senator Barack Obama.

I'm not saying Obama is a couch potato, but when comparing his dazzling keynote address at the 2004 Democratic Convention, his moving announcement to run for president, and his packed arena Oprah tours to his stalled campaign throughout the summer and well into the fall, it appears that he, too, has two modes, napping or racing.  And suddenly, today, we wake up to a new year with news from the Des Moines Register that Obama is polling at 32% to Clinton's 25% and Edwards's 24%.  It looks like Obama is back on the racetrack and he's going to win.

Now, I've chosen specifically the Italian Greyhound to represent Senator Obama because IGs have tremendous strength for such fragile looking dogs. And, "their large, strong lungs enable a bark that is deeper than one might expect from a small dog." Every time Obama speaks I'm surprised by the deep tone of his voice.

I'm also struck by the look in women's eyes when they attend his rallies. They seem wistful, like they are flashing back to their first Bon Jovi concert in 1984. Women like his beauty, elegance, and groove. I think Obama might have earned the nomination with this dance move on Ellen:

I think he might have earned the presidency with this Hillary zinger at the last debate:

Finally, he looked cool again.  Not just cool as in control, but cool as in "I want to be like that guy."  You see, men like cool.

Add to that the fact that from movies like Hitch and Bringing Down the House, to TV shows like The King of Queens and Scrubs, and advertising like this "Play Artist Korn" Ford Focus ad…

…white dudes are categorically uncool now.  In fact, it could be argued that in today's culture white dudes are the new dumb blondes.

And we have been run off the rails by a cabal of scary, conniving white dudes.  Face it.  Even Condoleezza Rice is a white dude.

America doesn't want to be the doofus at the international table anymore.

We want to be cool.

So, combine the massive outpouring of money into the Democratic coffers, the rabid hatred of Hillary, the ascendance of a super cool, good-looking (ok, I'll say it — sexy) candidate who finally realizes the race is on, and you get a winner.  You get President Barack Obama.  Rock on!