Dog Art Today

Tag: anti-clinton

  • Barack The Italian Greyhound: Or Why Senator Obama Will Be Our Next President

     

    Barak_obama

    My friend Kathleen has an awesome Greyhound named Oliver.  When I asked her sister, Valerie, to take a picture of him standing for a collage I was making, she reported that it was impossible.  "He's either napping or running full speed."  A check of Greyhounds on Wikipedia confirms this tendancy.  "[They] are often referred to as forty-five mile an hour couch potatoes."  That sounds like Senator Barack Obama.

    Italian_greyhound_nap

     

    "Wake me up in time for Iowa."

    I'm not saying Obama is a couch potato, but when comparing his dazzling keynote address at the 2004 Democratic Convention, his moving announcement to run for president, and his packed arena Oprah tours to his stalled campaign throughout the summer and well into the fall, it appears that he, too, has two modes, napping or racing.  And suddenly, today, we wake up to a new year with news from the Des Moines Register that Obama is polling at 32% to Clinton's 25% and Edwards's 24%.  It looks like Obama is back on the racetrack and he's going to win.

    Italian_greyhound_race

    Now, I've chosen specifically the Italian Greyhound to represent Senator Obama because IGs have tremendous strength for such fragile looking dogs. And, "their large, strong lungs enable a bark that is deeper than one might expect from a small dog." Every time Obama speaks I'm surprised by the deep tone of his voice.

    I'm also struck by the look in women's eyes when they attend his rallies. They seem wistful, like they are flashing back to their first Bon Jovi concert in 1984. Women like his beauty, elegance, and groove. I think Obama might have earned the nomination with this dance move on Ellen:

    I think he might have earned the presidency with this Hillary zinger at the last debate:

    Finally, he looked cool again.  Not just cool as in control, but cool as in "I want to be like that guy."  You see, men like cool.

    Add to that the fact that from movies like Hitch and Bringing Down the House, to TV shows like The King of Queens and Scrubs, and advertising like this "Play Artist Korn" Ford Focus ad…

    …white dudes are categorically uncool now.  In fact, it could be argued that in today's culture white dudes are the new dumb blondes.

    Olly_girls

     

    The Olly Girls

    And we have been run off the rails by a cabal of scary, conniving white dudes.  Face it.  Even Condoleezza Rice is a white dude.

    Bush_rice_rumsfeld_cheney

     

    © Brendan Smialowski for The New York Times

    America doesn't want to be the doofus at the international table anymore.

    Bush_groping_merkel

     

    President Bush gropes German Chancellor Angela Merkel at the G-8 Summit.

    We want to be cool.

    Barack_obama_vogue

     

    © Annie Leibovitz

    So, combine the massive outpouring of money into the Democratic coffers, the rabid hatred of Hillary, the ascendance of a super cool, good-looking (ok, I'll say it — sexy) candidate who finally realizes the race is on, and you get a winner.  You get President Barack Obama.  Rock on!

  • Hillary Clinton Equals Trouble

     

    Hillary_clinton_1

    I don't see Senator Hillary Clinton as a piece of dog art.  I see her as a certain celebrity dog who splashed across our front-pages this April upon the death of her owner: Leona Helmsley's Trouble.

    Leona_helmsley_trouble

    Just as the 8-year-old Maltese made headlines for inheriting $12 million from the late Queen of Mean, Hillary made history by shattering fundraising records when she reported $26 million for her presidential war chest in the first quarter of 2007.

    Then, there is the biting.  Helmsley's former housekeeper, Zamfira Sfara, filed a lawsuit claiming Trouble bit her dozens of times and inflicted permanent nerve damage.

    Hillary doesn't bite, she kneecaps.  Or rather, she has her political henchmen do it.  First, NH co-chair Billy Shaheen postulated to the Washington Post that Barack Obama's drug use as a young man could threaten his electibility, because the Republicans would use it against him.

    Hillary graciously apologized to Obama, giving the story another round on the news cycle, before she sent her senior strategist Mark Penn to Hardball where he got the words Obama and cocaine on the air a few more times in the matter of minutes.  This guy would make Machiavelli blush.

    And don't get me started on former Senator Bob Kerrey announcing his endorsement of Hillary and then lauding Obama for having the middle name Hussein and attending a secular madrassa.  I think that's more than a dog bite.  It's called sticking the shiv in.

    Now, let's look at the grooming.  This is what Trouble might look like after Hillary's style consultants got a hold of her:

    Maltese

     

    "I'm your girl!"

    In the dog world, a bow is the equivalent to a pastel pantsuit.

    And finally there is the issue of Bill.   Here I will mix metaphors a little and view Hillary as Bill's keeper.   Just as Barbara Woodhouse tells us there are No Bad Dogs, only bad owners, so too there are no bad wives, only women that put up with bad behavior.

    Bill_clinton_lewinsky

    Maybe Bill has changed. Maybe he won't soil the carpet in the Oval Office again.  But judging from his recent remarks about being against the Iraq war from the beginning, and asserting that Hillary's first order of business when she is elected will be to send him and George 41 on an "America's open for business tour, " it appears he is still suffering from an impulse control problem.

    Choe_hell_houndz

    Bill needs to be kept on a tight leash like David Choe's Hell Houndz .

    If Hillary really wanted to be an agent for change, she would have had the courage to disassociate herself from Bill years ago.  Unfortunately they are locked in some kind of "Manchurian Candidate" psycho-grip that neither is willing or able to break.

    Manchuriancandidate

     

    "Bill/Hill is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life."

    Bill_hill2_2

    Look, is Angela Lansbury in the Clintons' living room?!

    Manchurain_candidate_2

    The giant queen of hearts card was out of shot when she announced her presidential run.

    Hillary_clinton_3

    I've watched enough A&E Interventions to know that the only way to help people who are locked in a state denial is to stop enabling them.  Please, America, help the Clintons help themselves and vote for someone else.  I can't take another 8 years of watching them chew up the furniture and then pretend that that's ok.